Friday, December 26, 2008
Christmas has come and gone...
Phew! The past few days have been insane. John and I had a great Christmas and we both received some amazing gifts. Material gifts aside, the best gift we both received was the news of John's dad being cancer free and in remission for the squamous cell cancer he was treated for earlier this year.
I was pretty nervous about eating on Christmas Eve and on Christmas itself. On Christmas Eve, I made a turkey breast. Luckily, it turned out pretty moist so I was able to eat it without any issues. John made his famous garlic mashed potatoes and then I steamed broccoli and "prepared" some dressing to make the meal complete. I was sure to eat all of my turkey and broccoli (which by the way, I think I had to chew the broccoli more than the turkey to ensure a smooth consistency) and then enjoyed a little bit of the mashed potatoes and dressing. Upon our return from mass, we both enjoyed a little pumpkin pie and called it a night.
Yesterday was a little more difficult. I usually make monkey bread for Christmas morning. John mentioned having bagels and cream cheese instead which I was very grateful for. I ended up having a half of a bagel with peanut butter instead of cream cheese because cream cheese only has 2 grams of protein in it. The protein aspect of my diet is one of the most important to abide by. If I don't consume enough protein, I become weak and have less energy. I am constantly reading labels to ensure that I consume at least 60 grams of protein a day. Sometimes it becomes more of a chore than something I enjoy but I definitely understand the repercussions involved with under eating.
All in all, the holidays were a success. Hopefully at this time next year, I will have somewhat completed this transformation!
I was pretty nervous about eating on Christmas Eve and on Christmas itself. On Christmas Eve, I made a turkey breast. Luckily, it turned out pretty moist so I was able to eat it without any issues. John made his famous garlic mashed potatoes and then I steamed broccoli and "prepared" some dressing to make the meal complete. I was sure to eat all of my turkey and broccoli (which by the way, I think I had to chew the broccoli more than the turkey to ensure a smooth consistency) and then enjoyed a little bit of the mashed potatoes and dressing. Upon our return from mass, we both enjoyed a little pumpkin pie and called it a night.
Yesterday was a little more difficult. I usually make monkey bread for Christmas morning. John mentioned having bagels and cream cheese instead which I was very grateful for. I ended up having a half of a bagel with peanut butter instead of cream cheese because cream cheese only has 2 grams of protein in it. The protein aspect of my diet is one of the most important to abide by. If I don't consume enough protein, I become weak and have less energy. I am constantly reading labels to ensure that I consume at least 60 grams of protein a day. Sometimes it becomes more of a chore than something I enjoy but I definitely understand the repercussions involved with under eating.
All in all, the holidays were a success. Hopefully at this time next year, I will have somewhat completed this transformation!
Monday, December 22, 2008
It's busy time!
I apologize for my lack of posting over the past couple of weeks. On December 10th, I became an Auntie and have been very preoccupied with helping my sister in Dallas and celebrating my 32nd birthday.
I just got on the scale and it says I've lost 24 lbs. I am not sure if I believe that or not. It seems like a lot of weight to lose in a short period of time. I am definitely getting used to eating smaller portions and eating SLOW. While in Dallas, my mom's "companion" commented on how slow I was eating - almost as slow as my mom! (those of you who know my mom know she's the slowest eater, EVER!)
The rest of the healing process is going well. I received a coupon in the mail last week for a free 1 hour session with a personal trainer and am hoping to schedule that for tomorrow or early next week. This should get me motivated to work out on a regular basis as well as giving me the tools for a successful work out regimen!
My dad commented that he could already tell that I have lost a lot of weight, which makes me feel really good! I am sure that people who see me less often will notice more than those who see me on a daily basis and for some reason I take it as more of a compliment when someone who hasn't seen me in a few months mentions that they can tell a difference. I'm also very shy about accepting compliments on how I look. I know by the way my clothes fit that I am losing weight but when I look in the mirror I see all of the rolls and my 500 chins so it just doesn't seem right!!! Over the next few weeks, I am going to work on accepting compliments seriously and not rolling my eyes when someone says something favorable to me.
So there you have it. I may not be back until after Chrismukkah and if I'm not...HAPPY HANUKKAH, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY KWANZA!
I just got on the scale and it says I've lost 24 lbs. I am not sure if I believe that or not. It seems like a lot of weight to lose in a short period of time. I am definitely getting used to eating smaller portions and eating SLOW. While in Dallas, my mom's "companion" commented on how slow I was eating - almost as slow as my mom! (those of you who know my mom know she's the slowest eater, EVER!)
The rest of the healing process is going well. I received a coupon in the mail last week for a free 1 hour session with a personal trainer and am hoping to schedule that for tomorrow or early next week. This should get me motivated to work out on a regular basis as well as giving me the tools for a successful work out regimen!
My dad commented that he could already tell that I have lost a lot of weight, which makes me feel really good! I am sure that people who see me less often will notice more than those who see me on a daily basis and for some reason I take it as more of a compliment when someone who hasn't seen me in a few months mentions that they can tell a difference. I'm also very shy about accepting compliments on how I look. I know by the way my clothes fit that I am losing weight but when I look in the mirror I see all of the rolls and my 500 chins so it just doesn't seem right!!! Over the next few weeks, I am going to work on accepting compliments seriously and not rolling my eyes when someone says something favorable to me.
So there you have it. I may not be back until after Chrismukkah and if I'm not...HAPPY HANUKKAH, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY KWANZA!
Friday, December 12, 2008
One fill down.
My first fill experience was a little more traumatic than I originally anticipated. John and I arrived for my 3:45 appointment and anticipated a fairly decent wait (the last few times we've had an appointment it took over a half hour to be seen.) but they actually took me back right after I checked in.
First the good news. Since beginning the process, I have lost 15.8lbs!!! I am so excited about those results. I know the weight will come off slower now, but I am off to a great start! The other good news is that my blood pressure was WAY down. Thank goodness, because I was really worried that I would have to go to the doctor soon to have that situation checked out.
Mitch (the Physician's Assistant) then came in and asked lots of questions regarding the past two weeks. He told me that I had probably been eating too much but as long as I knew that there would be actual restriction now, I would be ok. Horray. He also gave me the go-ahead to have sex again. I know you ALL care about that :)
After the review, we went into the fun "fill room". Let me tell you. It was anything BUT fun. I was so anxious that I've now decided that I will need to take a xanax before going again. The room was freezing and totally white. Mitch had me lay down on the cot-thingie and explained what he was going to be doing. First he cleaned the area around my port with some alcohol and proceeded with a spray that basically made me feel like my stomach was on fire. GOOD TIMES! Next, he turned on the x-ray machine and showed me exactly where my port was and then pointed out my band. John was FASCINATED by this. I am so glad one of us was. I just wanted the whole process to be over with. Then the real fun began! Mitch said that on the count of three I'd feel a prick. I waited for the one, two...but all he said was three. I do not like tricks, Mitch. Got it?
The next 10 minutes were insanely uncomfortable. It wasn't necessarily the needle, per say. It was the whole situation. Putting the needle in, filling the band, then having me stand up in front of the x-ray machine so that we could watch the wonders of my body digesting the barium, one barium swallow, adding more saline, another barium swallow, taking a little saline out, more swallow. Seriously, I felt like I was going to vomit. Mostly because I was standing up with a needle coming out of my stomach. And on top of it, John and Mitch (which from this point forward will be dubbed, "Beavis and Butthead" were discussing funny movies, like some Cheech and Chong movie. HELLO PEOPLE, I HAVE A NEEDLE STICKING OUT OF MY STOMACH!!!! They proceeded to laugh while the needle was STILL IN ME. SO annoying. Then on the count of three (where Mitch only said THREE again) the needle was out. We went over what I can and cannot eat for the next few days and that was it!
When I got home last night, I felt really full (Mitch said this would happen) but knew I needed to eat something. I had some delicious chicken broth and wild strawberry jello. I'm feeling a little less full today but the gas sensation I had post surgery is back. I am sure it will subside in a few days but it's SO irritating.
So, that's about it for now. Stay gassy, loyal readers :)
First the good news. Since beginning the process, I have lost 15.8lbs!!! I am so excited about those results. I know the weight will come off slower now, but I am off to a great start! The other good news is that my blood pressure was WAY down. Thank goodness, because I was really worried that I would have to go to the doctor soon to have that situation checked out.
Mitch (the Physician's Assistant) then came in and asked lots of questions regarding the past two weeks. He told me that I had probably been eating too much but as long as I knew that there would be actual restriction now, I would be ok. Horray. He also gave me the go-ahead to have sex again. I know you ALL care about that :)
After the review, we went into the fun "fill room". Let me tell you. It was anything BUT fun. I was so anxious that I've now decided that I will need to take a xanax before going again. The room was freezing and totally white. Mitch had me lay down on the cot-thingie and explained what he was going to be doing. First he cleaned the area around my port with some alcohol and proceeded with a spray that basically made me feel like my stomach was on fire. GOOD TIMES! Next, he turned on the x-ray machine and showed me exactly where my port was and then pointed out my band. John was FASCINATED by this. I am so glad one of us was. I just wanted the whole process to be over with. Then the real fun began! Mitch said that on the count of three I'd feel a prick. I waited for the one, two...but all he said was three. I do not like tricks, Mitch. Got it?
The next 10 minutes were insanely uncomfortable. It wasn't necessarily the needle, per say. It was the whole situation. Putting the needle in, filling the band, then having me stand up in front of the x-ray machine so that we could watch the wonders of my body digesting the barium, one barium swallow, adding more saline, another barium swallow, taking a little saline out, more swallow. Seriously, I felt like I was going to vomit. Mostly because I was standing up with a needle coming out of my stomach. And on top of it, John and Mitch (which from this point forward will be dubbed, "Beavis and Butthead" were discussing funny movies, like some Cheech and Chong movie. HELLO PEOPLE, I HAVE A NEEDLE STICKING OUT OF MY STOMACH!!!! They proceeded to laugh while the needle was STILL IN ME. SO annoying. Then on the count of three (where Mitch only said THREE again) the needle was out. We went over what I can and cannot eat for the next few days and that was it!
When I got home last night, I felt really full (Mitch said this would happen) but knew I needed to eat something. I had some delicious chicken broth and wild strawberry jello. I'm feeling a little less full today but the gas sensation I had post surgery is back. I am sure it will subside in a few days but it's SO irritating.
So, that's about it for now. Stay gassy, loyal readers :)
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
You'll have to wait until Sunday.
I realized today is not the one month anniversary, Sunday is! Plus my hair does not look good today so I will wait until tomorrow when it looks amazing :)
Stay tuned!
Stay tuned!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Almost one month.
Tomorrow marks the one month anniversary of my lap band surgery. I couldn't wait until tomorrow to get on the scale so I decided to weigh myself today. My weight was exactly the same as it was the last time I weighed. That's good, I guess. It could be much worse, right? If I hadn't had the surgery, I probably would have gained a good 5lbs over the past week based on my inability to stop eating. Although that brings me to another thing I really need to work on during this "transformation". My attitude. It's funny because at work, I am pretty optimistic but in my personal life, I tend to be very negative. My therapist and I have been working on this for a while and although I have made great strides, I often find myself saying things that probably are quite negative.
On Tuesday when I went to the surgery center, my blood pressure was very high. At first, I was really worried about why this was happening. John and I started "breaking it down" and for now have concluded that it's because of the stress I have been under at work and the fact that I may be doing too much too soon. If it's still high next Thursday when I go for my fill, then I will go see my GP and have him give me his expert opinion. Oh, and speaking of the surgery center? My incisision WAS infected and they're treating me with an antibiotic. I just wish they started treating me last week when I originally went in. Oh well.
So yeah, tomorrow. I feel like it's a pretty big day!!! I'll be posting my pictures by the end of the day so stay tuned!
On Tuesday when I went to the surgery center, my blood pressure was very high. At first, I was really worried about why this was happening. John and I started "breaking it down" and for now have concluded that it's because of the stress I have been under at work and the fact that I may be doing too much too soon. If it's still high next Thursday when I go for my fill, then I will go see my GP and have him give me his expert opinion. Oh, and speaking of the surgery center? My incisision WAS infected and they're treating me with an antibiotic. I just wish they started treating me last week when I originally went in. Oh well.
So yeah, tomorrow. I feel like it's a pretty big day!!! I'll be posting my pictures by the end of the day so stay tuned!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Thanksgiving. And the stomachache to follow.
Well, it was bound to happen. On day one of "real" food I over-ate.
I really didn't think that I would because my portions were SO much smaller than usual but a few minutes after eating, I had the worst stomach pain ever. I only took about two tablespoons of everything except the green beans and turkey but even after eating such small portions, pain ensued.
At this point, I am really not supposed to have any "restriction" because the band is completely empty. I have noticed that when I eat more than a cup, I get really full. That's great but I am nervous about what will happen once the band fills. I've heard horror stories of what has happened to other people and I'd really like to avoid those situations if at all possible. Following the food plan thus far has been pretty easy. I've been trying to make meals that are high in protein, fiber and low in calories. John really wants creamed turkey tonight which sounds less than appetizing but for him, I guess I will break down and make it.
This morning, the wound by my port starting oozing again. I am kind of annoyed because I went in for this last Monday and they told me it was fine. It's NOT fine if it's oozing a week later. What's worse is that the girl I spoke with on the phone had the snottiest tone when I asked what I should do. Umm, hello? Customer service is what you get paid for, lady! If they aren't nice when I go in, they're going to see a not so fun side of Shayna.
My friend Emily gave me the idea of posting pictures on a monthly basis so on Friday, I will post my one month pictures. Pretty exciting, huh? I can't believe it's been a month. The time really has flown by. The next month is going to be very exciting and I can't wait for next Thursday and my first fill.
I really didn't think that I would because my portions were SO much smaller than usual but a few minutes after eating, I had the worst stomach pain ever. I only took about two tablespoons of everything except the green beans and turkey but even after eating such small portions, pain ensued.
At this point, I am really not supposed to have any "restriction" because the band is completely empty. I have noticed that when I eat more than a cup, I get really full. That's great but I am nervous about what will happen once the band fills. I've heard horror stories of what has happened to other people and I'd really like to avoid those situations if at all possible. Following the food plan thus far has been pretty easy. I've been trying to make meals that are high in protein, fiber and low in calories. John really wants creamed turkey tonight which sounds less than appetizing but for him, I guess I will break down and make it.
This morning, the wound by my port starting oozing again. I am kind of annoyed because I went in for this last Monday and they told me it was fine. It's NOT fine if it's oozing a week later. What's worse is that the girl I spoke with on the phone had the snottiest tone when I asked what I should do. Umm, hello? Customer service is what you get paid for, lady! If they aren't nice when I go in, they're going to see a not so fun side of Shayna.
My friend Emily gave me the idea of posting pictures on a monthly basis so on Friday, I will post my one month pictures. Pretty exciting, huh? I can't believe it's been a month. The time really has flown by. The next month is going to be very exciting and I can't wait for next Thursday and my first fill.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Week two. (not for those with weak stomachs)
Well, I was plugging right along and then...a little set back.
On Friday night, I was getting ready to go out and noticed that the scab above my port was beginning to lift. Being the "picker" (thanks, Dad) I am, I pulled on it a little bit. All of the sudden, this gooey purpley stuff started flowing out from under the scab.
After a few minutes the purpley stuff stopped and a little bit of blood came out. I was kind of freaking out because the scab is right above the port. What if the port became exposed? Oh lordy, I am puking on the inside just thinking about it. Anyway! I cleaned it up and applied some neosporin and a band aid. Throughout the night I went to the bathroom to check up on it. It was now oozing a yellowish substance. Since there was no blood involved, I figured it would be ok for now.
On Saturday and Sunday I continued the neosporin and band aid treatment. Yesterday it seemed to be oozing more, so I decided to go over to the surgery center this morning on my way into work. After an hour of waiting, the PA finally was able to see me. He said it was completely normal and re-dressed it. He warned me that puss may come out of it. Goody! More unnecessary fluids coming out of my body!
The good news, I am down another 5lbs! Horray!
On Friday night, I was getting ready to go out and noticed that the scab above my port was beginning to lift. Being the "picker" (thanks, Dad) I am, I pulled on it a little bit. All of the sudden, this gooey purpley stuff started flowing out from under the scab.
After a few minutes the purpley stuff stopped and a little bit of blood came out. I was kind of freaking out because the scab is right above the port. What if the port became exposed? Oh lordy, I am puking on the inside just thinking about it. Anyway! I cleaned it up and applied some neosporin and a band aid. Throughout the night I went to the bathroom to check up on it. It was now oozing a yellowish substance. Since there was no blood involved, I figured it would be ok for now.
On Saturday and Sunday I continued the neosporin and band aid treatment. Yesterday it seemed to be oozing more, so I decided to go over to the surgery center this morning on my way into work. After an hour of waiting, the PA finally was able to see me. He said it was completely normal and re-dressed it. He warned me that puss may come out of it. Goody! More unnecessary fluids coming out of my body!
The good news, I am down another 5lbs! Horray!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Things I am looking forward to.
Since today is sort of a slow day for me, I am putting together a list of things that I am looking forward to. Some may sound silly but the little things add up!
1. Not having to ask for a seat belt extender on planes.Ok, so this has only happened a few times but it is SO embarrassing to ask for an extender. Did you even know you could ask for one? Yeah, you have to be pretty fat to know about this little secret.
2. Not seeing rolls of fat when I look in the mirror.
Rolls are not fun. Rolls suck. If I only had one it wouldn't be too bad but I have many. And I hate them.
3. My fingers shrinking.
I have so many rings that I can't wear anymore because my fingers look like Vienna Sausages. I can't wait to wear them again!
4. Shopping for cute clothes.
We can all agree that I have AMAZING style (ok, borderline amazing). While Lane Bryant has come a long way, I would really like to buy clothes from Anthropologie again. Gosh, I really miss that store.
5. Going to concerts and not feeling as though I am crowding the person next to me.
I LOVE going to shows but recently I have felt as though I am totally invading the seat next to me. Maybe seating areas have become smaller, but I still hate it. Especially at the Sprint Center. It's friggin crammed there!
6. Spa robes.
Currently, when I go for a massage, my butt is too big for the spa robes. Last Christmas, my friend Shannon and I went for a couple's massage. I had to unrobe in the room because I didn't fit into the robe.
7. Being comfortable in a restaurant booth.
This one is really annoying. Some booths are closer together than others. Minsky's being one of them. I HATE going there because my flab overlaps the table. Talk about uncomfortable.
8. Not wearing SPANX every time I wear a dress.
Seriously, I love SPANX but I wear them WAY TOO MUCH. I'd love to wear a dress without them.
9. Elevators.
So, I know this happens to everyone but sometimes when I get into an elevator, it bounces. I'd like this to happen less frequently!
10. FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.
Even though I have only lost 9lbs, I am already feeling better about myself. My clothes are fitting better and I feel as though my attitude has improved, greatly. This is a journey that I am so excited about and I hope my excitement keeps up at this pace. Because seriously, I want to be a happier, healthier ME!
1. Not having to ask for a seat belt extender on planes.Ok, so this has only happened a few times but it is SO embarrassing to ask for an extender. Did you even know you could ask for one? Yeah, you have to be pretty fat to know about this little secret.
2. Not seeing rolls of fat when I look in the mirror.
Rolls are not fun. Rolls suck. If I only had one it wouldn't be too bad but I have many. And I hate them.
3. My fingers shrinking.
I have so many rings that I can't wear anymore because my fingers look like Vienna Sausages. I can't wait to wear them again!
4. Shopping for cute clothes.
We can all agree that I have AMAZING style (ok, borderline amazing). While Lane Bryant has come a long way, I would really like to buy clothes from Anthropologie again. Gosh, I really miss that store.
5. Going to concerts and not feeling as though I am crowding the person next to me.
I LOVE going to shows but recently I have felt as though I am totally invading the seat next to me. Maybe seating areas have become smaller, but I still hate it. Especially at the Sprint Center. It's friggin crammed there!
6. Spa robes.
Currently, when I go for a massage, my butt is too big for the spa robes. Last Christmas, my friend Shannon and I went for a couple's massage. I had to unrobe in the room because I didn't fit into the robe.
7. Being comfortable in a restaurant booth.
This one is really annoying. Some booths are closer together than others. Minsky's being one of them. I HATE going there because my flab overlaps the table. Talk about uncomfortable.
8. Not wearing SPANX every time I wear a dress.
Seriously, I love SPANX but I wear them WAY TOO MUCH. I'd love to wear a dress without them.
9. Elevators.
So, I know this happens to everyone but sometimes when I get into an elevator, it bounces. I'd like this to happen less frequently!
10. FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.
Even though I have only lost 9lbs, I am already feeling better about myself. My clothes are fitting better and I feel as though my attitude has improved, greatly. This is a journey that I am so excited about and I hope my excitement keeps up at this pace. Because seriously, I want to be a happier, healthier ME!
To weigh or not to weigh, that is the question.
Every morning I wake up and look at the scale. It's really hard to not weigh myself on a daily basis when the first thing I see is the scale.
Since I'm eating less, I assume that I am losing weight. The battery on the scale is actually low right now, which is another plus. It shuts off before the weight pops up. Kind of good, kind of annoying. I guess I could go buy a new 9 volt battery, right?
On previous diets, I have been told to not weigh every day because weight fluctuates daily based on sodium intake, etc. However, my clothes are more loose, so that should be a good gage, too.
I'd really like to be down 20lbs when I go to California in January but I also don't want to set unrealistic goals. I'm taking everything in stride and trying to remain optistic. Heck, I know I have a lot of weight to lose - I am just eager to get this party started.
Since I'm eating less, I assume that I am losing weight. The battery on the scale is actually low right now, which is another plus. It shuts off before the weight pops up. Kind of good, kind of annoying. I guess I could go buy a new 9 volt battery, right?
On previous diets, I have been told to not weigh every day because weight fluctuates daily based on sodium intake, etc. However, my clothes are more loose, so that should be a good gage, too.
I'd really like to be down 20lbs when I go to California in January but I also don't want to set unrealistic goals. I'm taking everything in stride and trying to remain optistic. Heck, I know I have a lot of weight to lose - I am just eager to get this party started.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Back to the bump and grind.
Today was my first day back at work. I was dreading it at first because I was unsure of how long I would be able to sit. Surprisingly, it's gone really well. My morning was swamped due to playing catch up. By the time I looked at the clock it was time for me to stop drinking (when you have the lap band, you can't drink 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after a meal; you also cannot drink during meals.). I had a delicious lunch of pureed chicken tortilla soup and black cherry jello. Please, don't be jealous!
This week should be pretty busy. I am trying to keep my self busy with after work projects and errands so that I am not tempted to eat :) At this point, I am still on the "walking only" exercise program and am hoping to con my neighbor into walking with me after work until the weather gets too cold. It's definitely chilly today but I think I could handle it!
One thing that has been super annoying is that the dogs have decided that they need to lay on me whenever I am sitting down. Ever since my surgery, I've had some tingling in my leg (probably from changing the position I sleep in) and they're constantly laying on me! I try to push them off but they think I've just shifted and they can go right back to where they were before. It's SOOOO annoying. Oliver's pretty good about moving on once I push him off but Susie's like me. She won't take no for an answer. She also doesn't know her strength. Homegirl is strong!!!
In completely unrelated news, tomorrow is a really big day for me. It's the release date for David Cook's debut album. I am so excited for this, I could pee my pants. My friend Jessica tried to give me the bootlegged version of it last night (which under normal circumstances I totally would have taken) but I insisted on waiting for tomorrow. So, I will be up at 5am to download the album from iTunes and sync it to my ipod -
This week should be pretty busy. I am trying to keep my self busy with after work projects and errands so that I am not tempted to eat :) At this point, I am still on the "walking only" exercise program and am hoping to con my neighbor into walking with me after work until the weather gets too cold. It's definitely chilly today but I think I could handle it!
One thing that has been super annoying is that the dogs have decided that they need to lay on me whenever I am sitting down. Ever since my surgery, I've had some tingling in my leg (probably from changing the position I sleep in) and they're constantly laying on me! I try to push them off but they think I've just shifted and they can go right back to where they were before. It's SOOOO annoying. Oliver's pretty good about moving on once I push him off but Susie's like me. She won't take no for an answer. She also doesn't know her strength. Homegirl is strong!!!
In completely unrelated news, tomorrow is a really big day for me. It's the release date for David Cook's debut album. I am so excited for this, I could pee my pants. My friend Jessica tried to give me the bootlegged version of it last night (which under normal circumstances I totally would have taken) but I insisted on waiting for tomorrow. So, I will be up at 5am to download the album from iTunes and sync it to my ipod -
Friday, November 14, 2008
Weekends are for fun, not pain.
As previously mentioned, Saturday and Sunday sucked. I don't remember as much from Saturday. I was still in a drugged daze and over emotional from my lack of sleep.
On Sunday we woke up and took a walk. We've started walking around our cul-de-sac a few times a day to get some exercise in. In 5 weeks I can begin going to the gym but until then, it's walking only. We have a Sunday ritual of reading the paper together but I couldn't be bothered to sit in the kitchen chairs. I tried to lay on the couch but could not get comfortable so I moved to John's chair. Once I created a comfortable sitting position, I was good for the rest of the day.
I didn't sleep again on Sunday night and decided that I would call the Pharmacist on Monday to see if I could take xanax with the hydrocodone that was prescribed for pain. I knew my question was going to sound as if it was straight out of a druggie's mouth so I told her who I was. She quickly told me that it would be absolutely fine, there was nothing to worry about. YAY! I crossed my fingers for a good night's rest, and a good night's rest I had. Monday was also my first day on the liquid diet. John second guessed everything before I put it in my mouth. It was actually pretty humorous. He finally realized that I knew what I was doing and hasn't really questioned me again...since yesterday ;)
Tuesday morning I awoke a little refreshed...I believe I clocked about 6 hours which was amazing in my eyes. I let John sleep until 8:30, when I insisted we take our morning walk. Since I was feeling better, I rotated between the couch and the chair all day. We took a few more walks and when it started raining, I walked laps around the house. Not much space but, it was better than not walking at all, right? On Tuesday I also discovered the amazing V8 soups. My first box was the broccoli and today I finished off the butternut squash. It's pretty darn tasty!
By Wednesday I was feeling SO MUCH BETTER. John went back to work for half of the day and when he returned, we went to Best Buy and to a vitamin store to ensure I had everything I need to be successful vitamin-wise. This place was amazing. They have a special section for Bariatric patients which was really great! I purchased a multi-vitamin, calcium and B Complex. They're not the best tasting things I've had but they do the job. I also purchased some protein supplements. All I can say about those is...GROSS. The guy at the vitamin place let me try several different flavors and I didn't like any of them. I finally settled on a variety pack of 16 flavors. I figure one of those should be ok, right? I've had three so far and yeah, I don't like any of them :)
Yesterday was my big one week check up. It went really well. The PA took off the remaining bandages and "graduated" me to pureed food. Horray! My best friend, Alison told me she would send me all of the baby food recipes she uses on her 11 month old. At least I can start eating veggies. It's been weird not eating any fruits or veggies for the past week or so. I never thought I would miss them - but I do! Tomorrow, I plan on making a menu for the week. Since I go back to work on Monday, I need to plan my lunches. In the past I have been really bad about bringing my lunch but I need to concentrate on changing that since there's not much I can eat from the restaurants around my office.
In my day three email, I mentioned that there were some things that I knew not everyone would want to read. If you are squeamish, STOP READING NOW.
GAS. That has been the absolute worst part of the healing process. Until Sunday morning, I felt so incredibly bloated. I tummy was so swollen and even though I felt like I could fart, nothing was coming out. On Sunday morning, John woke up and said, "Did I hear you fart?". "Yes!". "Congratulations! Hmm, I never thought I would be happy for a girl to fart." It was pretty funny. Another gas issue is that I cannot burp for the life of me. It's horrible. I feel the urge to burp and then it subsides, leaving me with terrible gas pains. I was telling Ruthanne about this and she must have told my sister in law, Kirsten because the next day I got this email from her:
By the way, Ruthanne already filled me in on all the gas pains of Friday night, so no secret there... : ) I suggested my foolproof method of getting rid of it (which she had never heard of!!!) It's a little primitive, but my best friend's mom swore by it, and it always works...
Get on your hands and knees and lower your front end so your butt is in the air. Gas rises, so pretty quickly it escapes... That might be too hard on your belly right now, but you can use it in the future : ) I'm sure it'll be a hit on your blog, at least: Kirsten's foolproof gas eliminator!! And it'll give John a hearty giggle too...
I'll definitely try the gas eliminator once I am able to stretch again. John and I were laughing pretty hard (which by the way, it totally hurt to laugh until today).
I intend to lay low this weekend. My youth group girls have a meeting on Sunday and I am going to try and go for a bit. Then Monday, it's back to work. I tried to get my doctor to release me for half days only, but that totally didn't work.
One week down...
On Sunday we woke up and took a walk. We've started walking around our cul-de-sac a few times a day to get some exercise in. In 5 weeks I can begin going to the gym but until then, it's walking only. We have a Sunday ritual of reading the paper together but I couldn't be bothered to sit in the kitchen chairs. I tried to lay on the couch but could not get comfortable so I moved to John's chair. Once I created a comfortable sitting position, I was good for the rest of the day.
I didn't sleep again on Sunday night and decided that I would call the Pharmacist on Monday to see if I could take xanax with the hydrocodone that was prescribed for pain. I knew my question was going to sound as if it was straight out of a druggie's mouth so I told her who I was. She quickly told me that it would be absolutely fine, there was nothing to worry about. YAY! I crossed my fingers for a good night's rest, and a good night's rest I had. Monday was also my first day on the liquid diet. John second guessed everything before I put it in my mouth. It was actually pretty humorous. He finally realized that I knew what I was doing and hasn't really questioned me again...since yesterday ;)
Tuesday morning I awoke a little refreshed...I believe I clocked about 6 hours which was amazing in my eyes. I let John sleep until 8:30, when I insisted we take our morning walk. Since I was feeling better, I rotated between the couch and the chair all day. We took a few more walks and when it started raining, I walked laps around the house. Not much space but, it was better than not walking at all, right? On Tuesday I also discovered the amazing V8 soups. My first box was the broccoli and today I finished off the butternut squash. It's pretty darn tasty!
By Wednesday I was feeling SO MUCH BETTER. John went back to work for half of the day and when he returned, we went to Best Buy and to a vitamin store to ensure I had everything I need to be successful vitamin-wise. This place was amazing. They have a special section for Bariatric patients which was really great! I purchased a multi-vitamin, calcium and B Complex. They're not the best tasting things I've had but they do the job. I also purchased some protein supplements. All I can say about those is...GROSS. The guy at the vitamin place let me try several different flavors and I didn't like any of them. I finally settled on a variety pack of 16 flavors. I figure one of those should be ok, right? I've had three so far and yeah, I don't like any of them :)
Yesterday was my big one week check up. It went really well. The PA took off the remaining bandages and "graduated" me to pureed food. Horray! My best friend, Alison told me she would send me all of the baby food recipes she uses on her 11 month old. At least I can start eating veggies. It's been weird not eating any fruits or veggies for the past week or so. I never thought I would miss them - but I do! Tomorrow, I plan on making a menu for the week. Since I go back to work on Monday, I need to plan my lunches. In the past I have been really bad about bringing my lunch but I need to concentrate on changing that since there's not much I can eat from the restaurants around my office.
In my day three email, I mentioned that there were some things that I knew not everyone would want to read. If you are squeamish, STOP READING NOW.
GAS. That has been the absolute worst part of the healing process. Until Sunday morning, I felt so incredibly bloated. I tummy was so swollen and even though I felt like I could fart, nothing was coming out. On Sunday morning, John woke up and said, "Did I hear you fart?". "Yes!". "Congratulations! Hmm, I never thought I would be happy for a girl to fart." It was pretty funny. Another gas issue is that I cannot burp for the life of me. It's horrible. I feel the urge to burp and then it subsides, leaving me with terrible gas pains. I was telling Ruthanne about this and she must have told my sister in law, Kirsten because the next day I got this email from her:
By the way, Ruthanne already filled me in on all the gas pains of Friday night, so no secret there... : ) I suggested my foolproof method of getting rid of it (which she had never heard of!!!) It's a little primitive, but my best friend's mom swore by it, and it always works...
Get on your hands and knees and lower your front end so your butt is in the air. Gas rises, so pretty quickly it escapes... That might be too hard on your belly right now, but you can use it in the future : ) I'm sure it'll be a hit on your blog, at least: Kirsten's foolproof gas eliminator!! And it'll give John a hearty giggle too...
I'll definitely try the gas eliminator once I am able to stretch again. John and I were laughing pretty hard (which by the way, it totally hurt to laugh until today).
I intend to lay low this weekend. My youth group girls have a meeting on Sunday and I am going to try and go for a bit. Then Monday, it's back to work. I tried to get my doctor to release me for half days only, but that totally didn't work.
One week down...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
8.6 down...
Yay! I just returned from the doctor and I am down 8.6lbs! I am so motivated by this loss. Even though I know from here on out it's going to be slower, the loss of water weight is truly a great way to get started!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Free Fallin.
I woke up early on Friday morning. Ready to get to the surgery center and ready to change my life. I wasn't too nervous until we got into the car and I realized that this was it. The planning of the past few months would be behind me and soon I would be healthy.
The admittance process before surgery took about 15 minutes. More paperwork, more signatures, more "you might die" phrases. I took deep breaths and kept reminding myself that this IS what I want. I am going to die young if I don't do something about my obesity and I'd rather die healthy than die miserable. Once my paperwork was complete, it took about 10 more minutes for the nurse (Joy) to come get me.
She took me back to the pre-op room where I peed (not pregnant!), answered questions, tried to make jokes and met with the Anesthesiologist. I told him that I was very nervous and he said he'd take care of that! Horray! A few minutes later, John and Ruthanne came in to see me. John tried to keep it light but I was so emotional that all I could do was tear up. What if I never saw him again? Was this all really worth it? (I'm totally tearing up just remembering our exchanges.) Dr. Selim then came to check on me and told me how honored he was that I chose him as a surgeon. We had a few funny comments and he left to prepare. I gave John my ring and Joy took rolled me off into the operating room.
The room was small, probably the size of our bedroom. There were huge lights all over and so many people. Three whom I had met, the rest were just people. Staring at me. The Anesthesiologist then came over to me and said he was going to start giving me some fun meds and this was it! I couldn't help but notice that "Free Fallin" by Tom Petty was playing in the background. Really? Are you guys serious? Can I choose the song list? I think I'd prefer something more along the lines of I don't know, something happier and less angelic? But, three breaths of the juice and I was out.
I woke up at 9am to Joy looking over me. The surgery had gone really well and John and Ruthanne were eager to see me. The next few hours are somewhat of a blur. I had to pee and the rule is, once you get up, you can't lay back down. So, I waited a few minutes before I nearly peed my pants and went to the bathroom. OMG. I never realized how much I use my stomach muscles. The post op nurse, Jake told me to trust him, he would lift me. Ok, I'd like to see him lift all 300lbs of me. Go ahead Jakey, make my day. I gave him my right hand and before I knew it, I was up.
The bathroom experience was quite different. I had to brace myself before sitting down, slowly ease myself down and pee. Such a process! I swear it took like 5 minutes alone to sit down. Getting up was another process, washing my hands without touching my stomach to the sink and opening the door. Wow, wow. PAIN. Jake and I then took a walk down to the edge of the post op area and back to the room. He reminded me again of the no sleeping rule which totally sucked. After three hours of fun evaluations, resting and a few short walks, I was discharged.
The car ride home wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Getting out of the car? That's another thing. I really wasn't prepared for all of the pain. I felt like I needed to burp but couldn't. John and I made our way upstairs where we set the bed up for rest. Oliver got on one side of me and Susie laid in my lap, avoiding the sore area. I couldn't sleep. I kept closing my eyes hoping, but nothing. John made me take my medication every four hours and made sure I was drinking clear liquids. Apparently, I drank too much because when my gas pains got worse, John called Dr. Selim and asked if I could take tums or rolaids. "What for?" he asked. "She's in pain!". "No, what has she had to drink?" "About 20 ounces of water." "No, no, she should only drink 1 ounce of water an hour." WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL US THAT?
I then cried and pouted about my pain for 30 minutes, making my neighbor come over with a body pillow, and trying to have John burp me like a baby. I finally called my coworker Celene, who had the procedure done last year and whined about my gas pains. She said, "Girl, you need gas x. I told you that. Why don't you listen to me!" John went to Walgreens to make the purchase and as soon as I took it, I felt immediate relief.
I probably slept a total of 2 hours Friday night. Saturday was terrible. I was in pain and sleep deprived. I created a new way to get out of bed, the turn and slide. It's pretty handy. Once I was able to get myself out of bed, I felt a little less like a gimp and more in control.
More later...
The admittance process before surgery took about 15 minutes. More paperwork, more signatures, more "you might die" phrases. I took deep breaths and kept reminding myself that this IS what I want. I am going to die young if I don't do something about my obesity and I'd rather die healthy than die miserable. Once my paperwork was complete, it took about 10 more minutes for the nurse (Joy) to come get me.
She took me back to the pre-op room where I peed (not pregnant!), answered questions, tried to make jokes and met with the Anesthesiologist. I told him that I was very nervous and he said he'd take care of that! Horray! A few minutes later, John and Ruthanne came in to see me. John tried to keep it light but I was so emotional that all I could do was tear up. What if I never saw him again? Was this all really worth it? (I'm totally tearing up just remembering our exchanges.) Dr. Selim then came to check on me and told me how honored he was that I chose him as a surgeon. We had a few funny comments and he left to prepare. I gave John my ring and Joy took rolled me off into the operating room.
The room was small, probably the size of our bedroom. There were huge lights all over and so many people. Three whom I had met, the rest were just people. Staring at me. The Anesthesiologist then came over to me and said he was going to start giving me some fun meds and this was it! I couldn't help but notice that "Free Fallin" by Tom Petty was playing in the background. Really? Are you guys serious? Can I choose the song list? I think I'd prefer something more along the lines of I don't know, something happier and less angelic? But, three breaths of the juice and I was out.
I woke up at 9am to Joy looking over me. The surgery had gone really well and John and Ruthanne were eager to see me. The next few hours are somewhat of a blur. I had to pee and the rule is, once you get up, you can't lay back down. So, I waited a few minutes before I nearly peed my pants and went to the bathroom. OMG. I never realized how much I use my stomach muscles. The post op nurse, Jake told me to trust him, he would lift me. Ok, I'd like to see him lift all 300lbs of me. Go ahead Jakey, make my day. I gave him my right hand and before I knew it, I was up.
The bathroom experience was quite different. I had to brace myself before sitting down, slowly ease myself down and pee. Such a process! I swear it took like 5 minutes alone to sit down. Getting up was another process, washing my hands without touching my stomach to the sink and opening the door. Wow, wow. PAIN. Jake and I then took a walk down to the edge of the post op area and back to the room. He reminded me again of the no sleeping rule which totally sucked. After three hours of fun evaluations, resting and a few short walks, I was discharged.
The car ride home wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Getting out of the car? That's another thing. I really wasn't prepared for all of the pain. I felt like I needed to burp but couldn't. John and I made our way upstairs where we set the bed up for rest. Oliver got on one side of me and Susie laid in my lap, avoiding the sore area. I couldn't sleep. I kept closing my eyes hoping, but nothing. John made me take my medication every four hours and made sure I was drinking clear liquids. Apparently, I drank too much because when my gas pains got worse, John called Dr. Selim and asked if I could take tums or rolaids. "What for?" he asked. "She's in pain!". "No, what has she had to drink?" "About 20 ounces of water." "No, no, she should only drink 1 ounce of water an hour." WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL US THAT?
I then cried and pouted about my pain for 30 minutes, making my neighbor come over with a body pillow, and trying to have John burp me like a baby. I finally called my coworker Celene, who had the procedure done last year and whined about my gas pains. She said, "Girl, you need gas x. I told you that. Why don't you listen to me!" John went to Walgreens to make the purchase and as soon as I took it, I felt immediate relief.
I probably slept a total of 2 hours Friday night. Saturday was terrible. I was in pain and sleep deprived. I created a new way to get out of bed, the turn and slide. It's pretty handy. Once I was able to get myself out of bed, I felt a little less like a gimp and more in control.
More later...
Monday, November 10, 2008
On the mend.
I'm not going to lie, the last 72 hours have sucked. In a few days I will definitely relive Friday for all of you because I know you'd really like a play by play.
I am actually starting to feel better, which I was beginning to think would never happen after my very uncomfortable weekend.
More later!
I am actually starting to feel better, which I was beginning to think would never happen after my very uncomfortable weekend.
More later!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
All dressed up and nowhere to go.
Well, I got a call today from the surgery center indicating that there had been a mishap with the scheduling for tomorrow. I could either come in and go to another surgeon or wait until next Friday and go to the doctor I've met with already.
After much thought and several tears (because I was already partaking in my liquid diet) I decided to wait another week because I love my surgeon and know that he's got a great reputation in the Kansas City area.
It's very frustrating but, I'd rather feel confident with my surgeon than be more anxious then I already am.
So, now I've got 8 more days.
After much thought and several tears (because I was already partaking in my liquid diet) I decided to wait another week because I love my surgeon and know that he's got a great reputation in the Kansas City area.
It's very frustrating but, I'd rather feel confident with my surgeon than be more anxious then I already am.
So, now I've got 8 more days.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Four days and counting
Last weekend was kind of my "goodbye to favorites party. On Friday night I picked up Pei Wei as well as my last piece of cheesecake, Saturday I didn't really go overboard but yesterday I had La Mesa. It was good to have one last hurrah, but I am ready to move forward.
This week should be interesting. I am supposed to be watching my calorie intake and on Wednesday and Thursday consume liquids only. Ahhh!!! I can't believe I only have four more days.
Also over the weekend, I went and bought everything the surgery center recommends in regards to liquids. For two days following the surgery, I can only consume clear liquids. On day three, I switch to full liquids for two weeks. During week three, I switch to a mechanical soft diet and week five I advance to regular food. That means that by Thanksgiving, I can have mashed potatoes! Yay!
I am so excited for this journey and am so glad I have made this decision.
This week should be interesting. I am supposed to be watching my calorie intake and on Wednesday and Thursday consume liquids only. Ahhh!!! I can't believe I only have four more days.
Also over the weekend, I went and bought everything the surgery center recommends in regards to liquids. For two days following the surgery, I can only consume clear liquids. On day three, I switch to full liquids for two weeks. During week three, I switch to a mechanical soft diet and week five I advance to regular food. That means that by Thanksgiving, I can have mashed potatoes! Yay!
I am so excited for this journey and am so glad I have made this decision.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
There is nothing to fear but fear itself.
I keep trying to repeat that quote over and over to ease my mind. Every night, I've woken myself up fearing that I will die during my surgery. When I wake up, my mind wanders and I become obsessive. Sometimes I walk around the house just to take my mind off of the surgery. Other times, I lay awake watching John sleep or thinking about what he would do if I was gone. I have tried to stop myself from taking xanax every night to fall asleep (and stay asleep) but I'm beginning to think that I should take it, because Shayna without sleep is NOT a good thing. Plus all of the obsessing has my anxiety level growing out of control.
Last weekend, I hosted a baby shower for my sister, Rachel with some of her friends. When I looked at the pictures upon my return home, I was disgusted with the way I look. I didn't even post any of the "full body" shots of myself because it's so embarassing to me. I can't believe I let myself get to this point. Even though I have lost weight since my initial consultation, I've realized that immediate gratification (visually) after the surgery will not occur. It's probably going to take months to notice any changes and longer for others to notice.
I know that having the surgery alone is not going to reverse my obesity, it's a combination of diet, exercise and lifestyle change. I know I feel ready mentally but am afraid I will become frustrated because this will be a long process.
Last weekend, I hosted a baby shower for my sister, Rachel with some of her friends. When I looked at the pictures upon my return home, I was disgusted with the way I look. I didn't even post any of the "full body" shots of myself because it's so embarassing to me. I can't believe I let myself get to this point. Even though I have lost weight since my initial consultation, I've realized that immediate gratification (visually) after the surgery will not occur. It's probably going to take months to notice any changes and longer for others to notice.
I know that having the surgery alone is not going to reverse my obesity, it's a combination of diet, exercise and lifestyle change. I know I feel ready mentally but am afraid I will become frustrated because this will be a long process.
Friday, October 3, 2008
A weight off of my shoulders.
Since I started telling people about the upcoming surgery, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. As some of you know, I am not one for keeping secrets, so it's been hard not to share the information about something that is occupying so much of my mind right now. I've received so many positive words of encouragement it just confirms that I am doing the right thing by making this huge decision!
In other news, since deciding to have the Lap Band surgery, I have lost 5lbs. It may not sound too amazing but I know I am headed in the right direction. Two of my best friends emailed me saying "you should eat all of your Halloween candy now", and for some reason, I just don't feel the urge to binge eat. My coworker Beth told me that before her stepdaughter had the surgery she ate and ate. Maybe this is my subconscious accepting the decision and allowing me to finally say no. Don't get me wrong, I will definitely partake in consuming some of my favorite meals before d-day but I have no desire to over eat.
I found a picture from my good friend, Sara's wedding that I am using as my "encouragement" photo. Before her wedding I had lost close to 100lbs and I look so happy and healthy. I can't wait to look that good and FEEL that good again!!!
Look out world, here comes Slim Shay D.
In other news, since deciding to have the Lap Band surgery, I have lost 5lbs. It may not sound too amazing but I know I am headed in the right direction. Two of my best friends emailed me saying "you should eat all of your Halloween candy now", and for some reason, I just don't feel the urge to binge eat. My coworker Beth told me that before her stepdaughter had the surgery she ate and ate. Maybe this is my subconscious accepting the decision and allowing me to finally say no. Don't get me wrong, I will definitely partake in consuming some of my favorite meals before d-day but I have no desire to over eat.
I found a picture from my good friend, Sara's wedding that I am using as my "encouragement" photo. Before her wedding I had lost close to 100lbs and I look so happy and healthy. I can't wait to look that good and FEEL that good again!!!
Look out world, here comes Slim Shay D.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Feeling good.
Today, I had a doctor's appointment with my GP. I let him know that my surgery was going to be on October 31st and he was pleasantly surprised. I think he, like others, thought this was just another one of my phases. I've been going to him for a good 4 years and he's helped diagnose some of the health conditions that are now considered co-morbidities. First the polycyscic ovary syndrome (PCOS)and post recently asthma. Although he thinks my asthma had been misdiagnosed as allergies for years, it's a weird thing to hear that two things could cause my death. I know that we all die sometime, but I have always had an intense fear of death.
I remember going into my mom's room in the middle of the night as a teenager and telling her that I had a dream about dying. She'd tell me to think of happy thoughts and that usually worked. When I think about death now, it's not as scary; but thinking that my weight could contribute to my untimely death scares the shit out of me. For years my parents and sister tried to get me to do something about my weight, I just didn't want to listen.
For five years I have been married to an incredible man. John truly completes me and I really believe we are soulmates. Those of you who have seen me recently know that I have gained a significant amount of weight since our 2003 nuptials. In the time we've been together, John's never once said anything about my weight. Maybe a comment here and there about ice cream or eating too many cookies, but never once did he use the "f" word. In June, we had our "when are we going to have kids" conversation for the 4000 time. The truth is, I've never felt ready. My parents divorce was so detrimental on my view of parenthood and marriage, I wasn't sure I could ever be a mother. In my controlling way, I wasn't sure that I could have a child, not knowing what could happen 5-10 years down the road. I know my parents are better off now, but I think about the hurt I went through when they got divorced and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. Ever.
For so many years, I have used my weight as a defense mechanism. I finally feel ready to drop that defense and move forward. It's so weird to have a clear view of what I want now, when the last 15 years have been so blurry.
I know the next few months and years aren't going to be easy but I am SO ready to commit to my health.
I remember going into my mom's room in the middle of the night as a teenager and telling her that I had a dream about dying. She'd tell me to think of happy thoughts and that usually worked. When I think about death now, it's not as scary; but thinking that my weight could contribute to my untimely death scares the shit out of me. For years my parents and sister tried to get me to do something about my weight, I just didn't want to listen.
For five years I have been married to an incredible man. John truly completes me and I really believe we are soulmates. Those of you who have seen me recently know that I have gained a significant amount of weight since our 2003 nuptials. In the time we've been together, John's never once said anything about my weight. Maybe a comment here and there about ice cream or eating too many cookies, but never once did he use the "f" word. In June, we had our "when are we going to have kids" conversation for the 4000 time. The truth is, I've never felt ready. My parents divorce was so detrimental on my view of parenthood and marriage, I wasn't sure I could ever be a mother. In my controlling way, I wasn't sure that I could have a child, not knowing what could happen 5-10 years down the road. I know my parents are better off now, but I think about the hurt I went through when they got divorced and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. Ever.
For so many years, I have used my weight as a defense mechanism. I finally feel ready to drop that defense and move forward. It's so weird to have a clear view of what I want now, when the last 15 years have been so blurry.
I know the next few months and years aren't going to be easy but I am SO ready to commit to my health.
Here we go again!
I feel like I've started this process numerous times before.
After numerous failed attempts and a "can't do" attitude, I finally feel ready. Ready to change my life. Ready to be healthier. Ready to have the life I deserve.
In July, I began researching the Lap Band surgery. It's a procedure I've heard so much about in the past but never really considered it an option. Perhaps it was seeing the words "morbidly obese" on a Body Mass Index test. Or maybe it's that I really want to have kids and I know that my body is not nearly close to being in shape for a family. Something changed the day I went to my first Lap Band surgery seminar. For the first time in my life, I knew this was something I could do and more importantly I wanted to do for MYSELF.
I've been overweight since the 5th grade. At that time I just thought I was cool because I developed early and lots of boys were paying attention to me. As I got older, weight became more of an obstacle than anything else. My love for dance became embarassing because of the amount of sweating I did. Running made me dizzy. I could come up with a million excuses for exercise I haven't done over the years. All of my excuses stop now.
The Lap Band not the final solution. It's a tool to help me overcome the obstacle which has taken over my life.
I can't wait to be healthier! For the first time ever, I feel like I am in control of my body and I couldn't be happier.
After numerous failed attempts and a "can't do" attitude, I finally feel ready. Ready to change my life. Ready to be healthier. Ready to have the life I deserve.
In July, I began researching the Lap Band surgery. It's a procedure I've heard so much about in the past but never really considered it an option. Perhaps it was seeing the words "morbidly obese" on a Body Mass Index test. Or maybe it's that I really want to have kids and I know that my body is not nearly close to being in shape for a family. Something changed the day I went to my first Lap Band surgery seminar. For the first time in my life, I knew this was something I could do and more importantly I wanted to do for MYSELF.
I've been overweight since the 5th grade. At that time I just thought I was cool because I developed early and lots of boys were paying attention to me. As I got older, weight became more of an obstacle than anything else. My love for dance became embarassing because of the amount of sweating I did. Running made me dizzy. I could come up with a million excuses for exercise I haven't done over the years. All of my excuses stop now.
The Lap Band not the final solution. It's a tool to help me overcome the obstacle which has taken over my life.
I can't wait to be healthier! For the first time ever, I feel like I am in control of my body and I couldn't be happier.
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